Ever experience those things that're so close they tickle your face? An idea or possibility that is oh so likely, but just doesn't work out... only to dissipate into thin air, sans explanation or reason?
It's quite disheartening when something (or someone) seems to be the perfect fit, and you discover that it's not. You get your hopes up before realizing that, it's a mere circle trying to squeeze itself into a square.
Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow, but when one door closes, another one swings open, showering you with infinite possibilties! I know this, I know it, but I feel so tired. This past Sunday, I watched a French film called, Dans Ma Peau (In My Skin), witnessing this woman's life spiral into a pit of self -doubt, self-mutilation, and despair. Watching her become crazed as she tried to literally get inside her skin, to discover and understand her worth. I then realized how stressed, frustrated, and sad I felt.
I also realized the need to stop torturing myself over circumstances that are beyond my control. I need to stop agonizing over not getting the results I crave. *sigh*
This post is an emotional one for me, because I've been beating myself up... a lot lately. I've been having a knock down, drag out wrestling match with my id, and my ego has doggedly kicked my ass, unintermittedly these last few months, sans remorse. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I have certain desires and wants, so it's a blow to my ego when things don't turn out the way I expect them to. I feel as if I'm being punished by the Goddesses, for whatever reason. I play these vignettes out in my head, and plan them to a 'T' and when they don't happen for me, as tough as I am on the outside, I am coming undone on the inside. So many things have happened this year, one tragic, many of them just frustrating and annoying.
I am happy overall... most times, but other times my insides are gnarled and wrought with ... dejection and this inexplicable sullenness. The gloom has finally liquified this sultry evening... manifesting into a downpour of sorrow, finally spattering onto my computer's keyboard.
I lean over ever so slightly however, and examine this sad discourse. These tears relay a telling story, as they spread across my computer keys. Before solidifying, they whisper ever so softly to me,
"Everything will work out. Eveything. will. work. out. You'll do fine. You'll BE fine."
I feel better already.
Tantalus Torture
July 18, 2006
Ever experience those things that're so close they tickle your face? An idea or possibility that is oh so likely, but just doesn't work out... only to dissipate into thin air, sans explanation or reason?
It's quite disheartening when something (or someone) seems to be the perfect fit, and you discover that it's not. You get your hopes up before realizing that, it's a mere circle trying to squeeze itself into a square.
Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow, but when one door closes, another one swings open, showering you with infinite possibilties! I know this, I know it, but I feel so tired. This past Sunday, I watched a French film called, Dans Ma Peau (In My Skin), witnessing this woman's life spiral into a pit of self -doubt, self-mutilation, and despair. Watching her become crazed as she tried to literally get inside her skin, to discover and understand her worth. I then realized how stressed, frustrated, and sad I felt.
I also realized the need to stop torturing myself over circumstances that are beyond my control. I need to stop agonizing over not getting the results I crave. *sigh*
This post is an emotional one for me, because I've been beating myself up... a lot lately. I've been having a knock down, drag out wrestling match with my id, and my ego has doggedly kicked my ass, unintermittedly these last few months, sans remorse. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I have certain desires and wants, so it's a blow to my ego when things don't turn out the way I expect them to. I feel as if I'm being punished by the Goddesses, for whatever reason. I play these vignettes out in my head, and plan them to a 'T' and when they don't happen for me, as tough as I am on the outside, I am coming undone on the inside. So many things have happened this year, one tragic, many of them just frustrating and annoying.
I am happy overall... most times, but other times my insides are gnarled and wrought with ... dejection and this inexplicable sullenness. The gloom has finally liquified this sultry evening... manifesting into a downpour of sorrow, finally spattering onto my computer's keyboard.
I lean over ever so slightly however, and examine this sad discourse. These tears relay a telling story, as they spread across my computer keys. Before solidifying, they whisper ever so softly to me,
"Everything will work out. Eveything. will. work. out. You'll do fine. You'll BE fine."
I feel better already.
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http://guitarwolf.wordpress.com/2006/07/18/the-universe-says-hello/
I have no idea why I'm linking this so I'm just gonna roll with it because there are no mistakes in the Universe: I read it this morning and it made me smile.
(You and I are going through some of the same things right now.)
Oh, nuts. It didn't paste correctly. Its his most recent post, easy to find, titled "The Universe Says Hello."
oh my lovely coffey!!!!
i know i know i know.
i just wrote about that today, too.
'i look back just to see
i never used love
but love used me
and i never knew
but she knew me....'
all the dreams, expectations, plans, reasons to do things, decisions to go here and not there, wanting to work things out THIS way but not the other....
all shattered now, in pieces in front of me.
i like to think of being creative enough to make a mosaic out of this mess. i hope we can.
i was about to move in with a guy who thought I am the one. I never dared to go so far but definetely wanted to let things grow. and then, all of the sudden.....
everything in pieces.
life is so weird and crying definetely makes us feel better.
my uncle always used to say that each tear becomes a pearl i fhe only manages to catch it from me. i guarded my tears like treasures.... ")
i send you lots of love and the strength to take thing for what they want to be, what the heck! and then, to grow through the pain that this ugly (at times) demasking of reality creates.
we mask it with our dreams.
Thanks for the link hedonistic!
Sometimes, even the strong gets tripped up every now and again...
Those days just tend to catch up with you. I'm just so... tired and weary.
I know things will happen, but I'm growing frustrated and impatient!
@jayjay, yes, sometimes crying does help, even if you don't want to do it, which I usually never want to do, but some things weigh so heavy on a person's mind, the barometric pressure becomes unbearable.
I hate that I've said this a lot recently, but you gotta ride the wave. Most times things aren't as bad as we think they are. Most times everything is going according to plan.
Amadeo, I could NOT have said it any better myself!
it will work out, it'll be alright, and if it isn't, we'll die thinkimg that It will get better, so that's ok, we'll die happy anyways.
*Got In My Skin today! gonna watch it tonight.
oooh I've wanted to see "In My Skin" for a while, but bcs of - well, lots of things I won't bother getting into here - I'm a bit wary of watching it - but I think I have to. Now I just have to find the damned thing LOL!
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